>Walk in the direction of the river

You walk towards the river. As you travel, the forest gets thicker on every side. Soon, you find yourself having to cut through vines that are blocking the path. Eventually, you emerge into a small clearing. On the ground is a gingerbread man, a spork, and an egg that's painted to look like a squirrel.

>Since you are starving, you eat the gingerbread man, then attempt to eat the egg

Roll: 9 (Buff has expired)

You eat the gingerbread man. It was kinda meh. You pick up the egg and are about to eat it. You start to put it in your mouth, then decide to crack it first. Amazingly, it doesn't crack. You smack it harder against a tree. It still doesn't crack. You place it on a tree stump and pull out your sword (you have that again) and swing your sword at the egg with all your might. The stump cracks beneath your blow, but the egg remains intact. You hear some thunder off in the distance.

>You pray to Zeus to crack the egg with a lightning bolt.

Roll: 13

You send a prayer to Zeus. After a little feeble static charge, rain falls, forming letters:

Open your own damn eggs. In case you haven't noticed, I'm kinda busy running a world here... Also, I would run soon. Or at least get ready to use your sword on something more threatening than an egg that looks like a squirrel.

Well then. Zeus is a little upset today, it seems. The thundering seems to be getting a little louder, and weirdly enough the painted squirrel on the egg looks a little angrier. Maybe just a trick of the light, but you doubt it, somehow.

> Throw the sword in the air, hoping it will land on the egg cracking it open.

Edited 11/5/2015 03:16:58

Roll: 15

You throw the sword in the air. The blade flashes as it slashes down towards the egg. It slams into the egg, the point sinking into it like a hot knife through butter. The eggshell dissolves in a shimmering cloud. When the cloud disperses, your sword is glowing red, and a small, scaly creature is wrapped around the hilt. The thunder is deafening. You reach for the sword, but it's very hot and you must pull your hand back before you get burned. The thunder is extremely loud now, and the trees about a mile away are being flung so high in the air that you can see them from where you are.

> Run

Roll: 1.

You decide to heed Zeus's warning, and get out of there. You reach for your sword and start running. Unfortunately, you immediately run into a tree. The sword flies into the air and lands in the same tree, and the tree ignites from your sword's heat. Dazed from your collision with the tree, you watch as the sword falls towards your face. At the last possible moment, millimeters away from stabbing you in the nose, your sword stops falling. The small scaly creature has grabbed it, and appears to be laughing at you. You offer a quick prayer of thanks to RNGsus for saving you. Just then, as you struggle to stand up, the other side of the clearing explodes, and a huge lizard bursts out of the trees. It's scaly skin is bright purple with red stripes. It takes one look at you, roars loudly, and explosions of fire burst from its skin. You are overwhelmed by this, and fall down again. The fire lights the trees in a ring around you.

>Stand up and piss on the fire

Roll: 15

You stand up and bravely piss on the flames. The ring of flames is instantly extinguished. Pulling your pants back up, you stride over to your sword and pick it up. It's still warm, but you watch as the small scaly creature curls around the hilt and your hand, keeping it comfortable. The huge lizard sits there, stunned into silence. You take up a fighting stance, daring the lizard to charge you.

Edited 11/6/2015 01:39:33

> Scream at the lizard

Roll: 20!

The lizard prepares to charge. As it does, you reach down deep into your soul. With the lizard closing in, you unlock the red-hot anger within you. Releasing it with a huge roar, your anger takes physical form. It becomes a huge glowing fist that smashes the lizard into thousands of flakes of skin and bone. With the flakes of the lizard slowly drifting down around you, various forest predators come into the clearing and kneel before you, recognizing your strength. Then, as suddenly as it came, they are gone, leaving you alone in the clearing with your sword and small scaly creature wrapped around your arm.

>Shout "Yeah, take it, bitches!"

Roll: 11

You shout "Yeah, take it, bitches!" at the forest around you. It seems suitably impressed.
There's a path leading out of the clearing, or you could try to go charging through the forest if you want.

Edited 11/7/2015 20:16:09

>Charge through the forest because reasons

>Find a nice wench.