Well, it all started when my family announced we were moving to Tennessee!. We are southern folk and love culture so the entire family was pretty excited. So we said our goodbyes, packed our things, and drove to Tennessee. Our new house was on a big hill and at the bottom of the hill was a playground and garden. My brothers, who my entire life were constantly bugging me to do stupid stuff, challenged me to jump on my bike and go down the hill. At the time, I was pumped up on sugar ( they probably knew that when they asked ) and in my moment of pure stupidity and fun, I jumped on my cheap bike and started my trip down that hill. Unfortunately I had failed to see two things. 1 there was a big mound of dirt at the bottom of the hill and 2....behind the playground at the bottom of the hill was a massive drop off. Half way down I suddenly remembered the layout of the property and the cliff. Terrified, I realized there was no painless way out of this. I slammed on the brakes instinctively but my foot missed. The entire weight of my body was behind that thrust to the brake so when I missed, my body fell. My penis hit the bar under my bike and then my body shifted forwards. My penis got stuck in the crevice between the bar and bike wheel. So, for a good 10 seconds my penis was getting grinded by the wheel. In desperation, I leaned completely forward and the bike flipped. I didn't fall off my bike literally because my penis kept me attached. My back would Have broken if I had landed on my back but the bike actually hit the ground with the from by wheel first. It bounced, the back wheel hit the mound of dirt at the bottom of the hill I thought of was dead for sure but then my bike hit the swing set and the bike broke in two on the metal while my penis broke free literally seconds before. I still got the swing set just not as hard.

Edited 1/10/2016 19:18:00

That was the funniest thing I've heard all day thanks.

Can you tell me what do you mean by american culture?, McDonald's and Hollywood?

Hog maw and chittlins.

Fuck me are you going through a midlife crisis, what's with theses weird ass posts?

sorry, I have some problems, this is why I am like that

When i was 12 I rode my scooter down a road that was on a hill, the road itself was only 100 yards until it leveled out into a parking lot. Anyway, the problem began when, me being an idiot, rode down the hill on the scooter. I would've been fine if it hadn't been for the fact that the road was littered with potholes. Needless to say, half way down my scooter lost course and I slid down the hill. Overall i ended up with a bunch of bruises on my shoulder, forearms, and chest. My shoulder was also dislocated.

I was like a mile away from home so i had to walk all the way back...

being 12 i expected myself to bawl my eyes out, but i didn't... the last thread of pride i manage to retain following that was resiliency...

pic related

lol just imagine standing on your front porch and then you look over next door to see a 6'3 brown kid being dragged by his penis on a bike meant for 10 year olds down a hill to his death all the while screaming like a teenage girl who just saw One direction perform at her high school

you are 6'3.... 5'7 overhere...

lol

you are 6'3.... 5'7 overhere...

I'm 5'5

When is was 13 I jumped off a bunk bed and broke my left arm. My fall was broken by a pack of playing cards

My appendix broke open. It hurt so much I almost couldn't walk.

damnnnnnnnnnn

I went to the playground in silky shorts. It just had a new swing set installed. It was sharp. Blue bars, high-standing (I mean this swing set was TALL), and smoothed out rubber seats. I had to try it out. So I did.
I got it swinging pretty high up, maybe 5-7 degrees from being perpendicular, from what I remember. It was so great, I wanted to see how far out I could jump. During this event, I learned two things: anxiety can slow down your internal clock and reaction time, and that silky shorts and smooth rubber don't stick together. I let off the ropes too late, and my silky shorts caused me to slide right off the swing and be positioned at least 7+ feet in the air, perpendicular to the ground, upside-down. If there wasn't mulch underneath me, I might have been physically unable to cry. Needless to say I did not stick the landing, but being my dumbass preteen self I tried again after a couple weeks. Still didn't stick it, but I didn't screw up my neck and back that time.

my family announced we were moving to Tennessee!

Yeah, that is really painful. I feel for you.

My penis got stuck in the crevice

Damn, you player, man.

Edited 1/10/2016 23:03:29

Only a Scotsman...

At summer camp, someone snuck into or bunk and put Lego bricks all over our cabin floor.

Yeah.

I've done lots of stupid things that aren't every painful.

-Stapled fingers
-Stabbed self with compass (accident)
-played the knife game with a knife; could have gone much worse Tbh
-Balls on bikeframe
-Balls in backwheel
-Ankle in bike wheel broke several spokes
-Head over handlebars
-Fell down half of an escalator made me scared of them for a while.
-Walked into lampposts (bonus points as it's always been when I'm sober)

But the worse pain you cam feel is standing on a electric plug left out at night.

Edited 1/10/2016 23:43:59

I am with the Scot, NOONE should have to move to Tennessee...



I also agree with Luna, what is with these wierd ass posts.

at the age of 7 i dislocated my elbow. i had to wait 3 days for the doctor, because in my old country a real doctor was quite expensive.

at the age of 19 a nerve in my jaw ignites and had to be removed. the operation was the most painful hour in my life.