I don't know what a koan is.
Yet my koans have been accepted as koans.
I am enlightened.

Master Fridge received a noob who came to inquire "What is the path I must follow to create legendary koans?".

Fridge served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The noob watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!"

"Like this cup," Fridge said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you koans unless you first empty your cup?"

The noob was enlightened.

Edited 2/24/2014 12:20:49

Master Fridge received Master Qi who came to inquire "What is the path that others follow to create legendary koans?"

Fridge served tea. He poured Qi`s cup full, and kept on pouring.

Before the cup was overflowing, Qi lifted it, placed a new empty one under it and took the first one away.

"Like these cups" Qi said, "I might already have opinions and speculations, but I can always learn more, without having to abandon what i previously learned"

Master Fridge was enlightened.

"Fridge, now you have poured away all of your tea and must go thirsty"
Qi sipped, smug as a bug in a rug.

Qi Noob had a dry, itchy scalp from the chemicals in shampoo. He asked Master Google, "Homemade shampoo." Master Google provided infinite possibities. Many said vinegar and baking soda. Qi Noob did not like the idea of having a stinky vinegar head.

Years ago in a Chinese Listening class Qi Noob learned used green tea leaves kill odors. He asked Master Google, "Green tea shampoo." Master Google provided new possibilities. Qi Noob steeped green tea overnight. The next day he washed his hair with it. His scalp was enlightened.

Edited 2/24/2014 13:31:19

"Like these cups" Qi said, "I might already have opinions and speculations

fucking loudmouth know-it-all cups

A noob approached Master X and asked "How do I become famous like Righ the Knight?"

Master X replied "Dedicate your life to nothing and you will absorb the fabric of everything."

The noob mediated on this, but couldn't grasp its meaning so he went back to Master X and said "I have meditated on nothing and still don't understand."

Master X said, "You misunderstood. Try growing a beard and browsing the internet all day, everyday for the rest of your life."

The noob was enlightened.

One day, Master x, in a mood of sublime emptiness, was sitting at his laptop. Gifs began to appear on his screen.

"I am praising you for your forum posts", Dead Piggy messaged him.

"But I have not been posting on the forum", said Master x. And gifs showered upon x like pop-up adverts.