Wow, Zephyrum, great post. I have never found diplo games to be much fun, and you just put into words very eloquently why that is. When I feel like being diplomatic, I instead join FFA's that allow PM's. I hope you are right about the mods being able to make actual diplo games fun for players like myself.
I found solace in playing games with actual mechanisms to enforce diplomatic play. Aka not vanilla WarLight. Maybe mods will fix that. Until then, I've been creeping in EU4.