l4v.r0v 
Level 59
Report
|
It is 3 AM. CactiRoses is sleeping calmly in his bedroom, perhaps dreaming, unconscious, collected, even blissful. At 3:02 AM, his local police department's overfunded SWAT team arrives just outside his residence, believing it to be the location of a small-scale drug trafficking operation. The suspect they're after is not CactiRoses. The cops actually meant to go to a house on the other side of the highway, but the smartest member of the team, with an IQ of 91, misread the address and didn't bother to check twice because he didn't feel like it.
They can't knock, since that would give CactiRoses time to hide the evidence. Besides their warrant is for a no-knock raid. They bust through CactiRoses' window and drop some flashbang grenades so CactiRoses does not have the time to fetch a gun and potentially put officers' lives at risk; we can't have our thin blue heroes actually get in danger. The flashbang grenade lands right next to CactiRoses on his bed, leaving him horribly injured. Two of the cops end up choking CactiRoses for a few minutes using techniques technically banned by the police department but still taught by the local police union.
The SWAT team does not find any evidence of drugs in the location. They find some possessions of value in CactiRoses' closet. Those may have been bought using drug profits, so they size them. Some of the items seized were of sentimental value to CactiRoses; they're irreplaceable.
CactiRoses is injured and incensed. He stays in the hospital for 2 weeks. He has great insurance, and he still gets a bill for $20k (including $300 for a band-aid and $2000 for a drug that costs $3.50 to manufacture at the quantity administered to CactiRoses). After his release from the hospital, CactiRoses finds out from a friend at the police that the no-knock warrant was for the wrong house. He tries to get his stuff back, but due to civil asset forfeiture laws, he can't.
Two years later, after his losing battle with a Kafkaesque and insane justice system, CactiRoses finds himself driving on the streets. Some anti-police protesters are blocking the highway for about 100 feet. CactiRoses floors the accelerator instead of taking the highway exit and re-entering at the next ramp. He runs over 3 protesters, not killing any but injuring them severely.
After months in court, CactiRoses is jailed for attempted murder and assaulting people with a moving vehicle instead of simply taking a freeway exit. In prison, CactiRoses becomes the preferred sexual assault target of two of the bigger guys on the block. But he also makes a few friends, and he gets out.
Six months later, CactiRoses is back on the streets. He can't really make much of a living as as ex-con and the economy is trash at the time anyways. To make ends meet, he grows some weed; edibles really sell at this time, so he starts producing edibles. He makes some money and goes on a vacation to Texas, but accidentally has left some pot cupcakes in his trunk. He does not realize that in Texas, the non-pot part of the cupcake counts as pot too. He gets pulled over to meet a speeding ticket quota, makes small talk (cops are friendly, right?), and the cop decides to check his trunk. The cop finds the cupcakes, and long story short, under mandatory minimum sentencing laws CactiRoses is sentenced to 20 years in prison.
Three weeks into his stay at a Texas state prison, with unbearable heat, actual slave labor (for no pay), and food so bad someone must've worked in a lab to get the taste that similar to fecal matter, CactiRoses dies from a rare form of cancer caused by licking too many boots.
Edited 7/27/2020 02:37:53
|
