Glad to see your thread has died. Everyone loves the panda and has forgotten about you.

Everyone loves the panda

I see an error in your post. "panda" should be "walrus".

@a man in search of answers,
you should ask for a platypus bodyguard
we are reliable and strong, as well as well armed (not that we have any arms) and legged (same).
DEFINITELY do not ask for a walrus guard, they're just brutes who can't follow the simplest of commands.

Anti anti, stop trolling, everyone knows a walrus is smarter then a platypus.

what's up with that?

Capybaras are vaguely similar to humans in some very broad respects. For instance, as the above picture evidences, some of us like to keep pets for company. This capybara keeps a female human and a cat, in a beautiful, emotionally symbiotic relationship which I believe humans refer to as "omg cute".

Although many capybaras keep humans as pets, cats and sea monkeys are found to be more rewarding creatures, and are far more popular.

Please remember to spay or neuter your human.

Dear Anti-x Capybara,

I am constantly being attacked by a stranger wearing a gorilla suit who wants to steal my cookies. And I'm afraid this stranger might be my girlfriend, so I don't want to say anything that might make her angry! Help!

Dear Anti-X Capybara

Though you are supreme species on this planet, you seem to be wearing a lead, controlled by a human (of all the species!). I'd like to know why.

Arun,

That is not a lead. The human equivalent would be a belt. As we all have very similar fur, capybaras need to accessorise.


Platypus,

This is a very common problem amongst humans. You should have no problems fending off a person in such cumbersome apparel. I would advise you to make sure that this aggressor is not an actual gorilla, as some gorillas can be even more bloodthirsty and hate-filled than humans, improbable though that may seem.

If it is your girlfriend, try changing the subject by mentioning a nearby lake where you might copulate. (Or, if you are an obstinate human, who insists on procreating on dry land, a field or some tarmac.)

[As we return, the capybara is on his deathbed. In his death throes, he is attended to by many devoted capybaras. His imminent departure has sharpened his mind and his wit, and the many capybaras who visit him in pilgrimage are eagerly received - he is desperate to dispense his wisdom.

It is in this spirit that he returns to the species that he found to warrant the highest criticism: the human. Though he was always benevolent to his inferiors, his impending mortality has softened his resentment of the human, and has offered him a greater patience for their follies. Like the mythical human "Jesus", he knows that he is most needed among the lowest of the low.

This is all a mere preface to an announcement - one that you have wished for in the windiest nights and the gloomiest days, the anticipation of which now warms your heart, which beats a little faster, as your eyes sear through this text at an exponential rate, so that you might sooner read the words that shall brighten your face with an expression of irrepressible joy: the capybara will once again be answering questions.

Do not hesitate to take the second chance that has so graciously been extended to you. The capybara lives on borrowed time, I am saddened to say. His time may come at any moment.]

great capybara, humble me with your answer, i have this problem whete i cant say the last word in every grape. see help kittens.!!!"

Why must you die?

R.I.P. :(

[Upon reading Hellbender's post, his spirit becomes visibly weakened, and he lets it pass without comment, not having the will to verbalise the weariness that is now etched deeply into his face. It seems he has never been closer to death.

At tigger's post, his energy lilts, and an incandescent glimmer flickers momentarily across his eyes, lifting everyone in the room along with it, before dissipating, like a wave being subsumed back into the ocean. He reflects upon his full life in a most contageous manner, and the air is thick with warm memories, both common and highly personal. Contentedly his eyes close, and in a near-inaudible breath, that only I (his interlocutor) can hear, as though his essence was making its way to Capybaran Heaven via his lips and my ears, he murmurs his final words:]

Fuck x. That guy is a dickhead.

The thread is over. You can print it off and frame it now. An edition will be kept at the British Museum for posterity.