A collection of tales surrounding ancient Warzonia. Feel free to add. All hero names must end in x, as per Asterix and Obelix tradition.

Edited 1/19/2021 20:41:14

Legend has it that a hero named Orannix once delved into the Warzonia code on a quest to find the secret to winning raffles. After years of searching, he eventually stumbled across a line of code so ancient and powerful that it fried his computer just displaying it. The young hero was determined to find the secret of the raffle, so he spent seven years in isolation, meditating 12 hours per day. On the first day of the eighth year, he woke up and had a clear image of the line of code burned into his memory. It was written in a strange language called Lua, but after decoding the message into English, he finally uncovered the secret of the raffle. As the legend goes, there were 4 steps:

1. Change your name to Plajer.

2. Pray really hard.

3. Sacrifice your first born to Fizzer.

4. Stonks.

He discovered that if one were to follow these simple steps, there is a 50% chance they would obtain the favour of the raffle gods. Some ways to increase one's odds are by doing the whole process in Swedish, since it is a well known fact that the raffle gods are Swedish, or by uttering "Farah" as your first word each morning for a year. Naming your first born Faxfox before you yeet the little shit into a volcano also wouldn't hurt.

Edited 1/19/2021 20:41:21

Here is a monument to Fizzurian legend: Plajer winning a 21 player raffle 3 minutes after Orannix prophesied it, colourized.

https://gyazo.com/eee20060c1a17d7c4d41445658f4a59c

https://gyazo.com/a63ef5e2ca4e774cc58a493c78ded1df

https://gyazo.com/38de48857e51736a852e8d136cbc2048

Edited 1/18/2021 16:48:34

Carp, the story just got deleted when I accidentally refresshed! Redoing it.

Edited 1/18/2021 19:08:24

Excerpt: From The Tome of Tales
The End of The Great Coin Deprivation

Long ago, there was a time where coin was sparse, people got robbed and scammed, and those who had some coin had naught but enough to buy things like Smokey Black or Royal Blue, stupid purchases that are not worth paying attention to. During this time, Hodox of House Hodopix joined the Coin Retrievement Foundation with the hopes of ending this horrible time.

After about a month's work in the CRF, going to various locations and retrieving certain artifacts, Hodox found an ancient Scroll. Inscribed upon it was the following message:

"There will come a time when coin becomes sparse and people become desperate, and many robberies, scams, and murders will happen. After the fourth year of this, a man named Hodox will join an organization called The CRF. He will find this tome, and he will assemble the foursome who are to end the Great Deprivation. The CRF will send him to the first of the foursome, the master of Traps, and from there they will continue their journey. They must enter the Tomb of The Taker, together, and only they can enter. They must retrieve the Bane of Coins and restore it to it's former glory. Only then can they smite the darkness, restore the coins to the masses, and end this time of suffering."

{Interjection: I may edit past posts, so if something seems missing, reread the previous posts.}

Edited 1/23/2021 20:56:32

A man from the depths of Estonia crawled out of his cave, wiped the meat and onion chunks from his beard, and ventured off on a mission to defy the raffle gods. His name was Kraxx, and he was so wealthy that he never needed to leave his gold-plated cave. He didn't necessarily need the raffle coins, but he wanted to make sure they ended up in the hands of those who deserved it. For you see, Kraxx was notorious for creating gladiator-style tournaments and pitting some of Warzonia's greatest minds against each other.

Kraxx did his research thoroughly and deep in the Great Wiki found a rumour that raffles stemmed from the hard drive of Fizzex's royal laptop. In the same scroll was Fizzex's address in a strange city called Chicago, roughly scratched in blood. It was evident whoever wrote this scroll had to pay with their life. Fizzex was even more a hermit than Kraxx; it was known that he only left his royal palace for one day every thousand years, although why he does so deserves its own story. So Kraxx paid Estonia's best sorcerer to conjure him a potion that would make him immortal.

Kraxx camped outside Fizzex's palace for centuries, biding his time. He lost track of how long he spent out there, but one day he was awoken by the most horrible creaking noise. The grand golden doors of the palace swung open and a saw figure of pure energy emerge. The energy was so powerful that it blinded him, but the determined Kraxx managed to fumble his way into Fizzex's royal office, fought the hydra that guarded it, switched Fizzex's laptop with a pizza box before any alarms went off, and found his way back to the exit, all without seeing a thing.

Fizzex was enraged when he discovered that his laptop had been stolen, and started an eon in which Warzonia was no less than two steps from hell. Kraxx knew of all the suffering his simple quest had caused but didn't care one bit. He prayed to the moderator for his vision to be returned, so he could read the sacred code on Fizzex's laptop and finally discover the secret to earning the raffle gods' favour, however it was clear he was making no progress. After begrudgingly promising after one thousand years of blindness to return Fizzex's laptop, he regained his sight immediately.

He considered breaking his promise and reading Fizzex's code but decided the risk was not worth it. So, he journeyed to the Masters Mountains and sacrificed the laptop in an explosion of flames at the peak of Mount Fizzmore. The fire that had been raging through the sky for the eon of hell vanished instantaneously. Trees and shrubbery grew all over the land that had previously been rocky and barren, and the sun emerged from behind the horizon for the first time in two thousand years.

Kraxx was regarded by the Warzonia population as a hero, even though he did not achieve what he set out to do. However, the raffle gods saw Kraxx's good intentions and the suffering they caused, and decided to bless him with their favour anyway. That night in his sleep, they whispered to him the secret of the raffle. To this day, Kraxx is the only resident of Warzonia who can win raffles without being named Plajer or Faxfox. Only he has the true favour of the raffle gods.

Edited 1/19/2021 20:40:46

Kraxx is my hero!

Well more lore please!

Edited 1/19/2021 20:47:18

Aiight, I'm back, I'll chat one post per day. Orannix, that's up to you to remind me of. :P

Oh no, it didn't save! I'll make 2 posts today then.

Edited 1/20/2021 20:20:06

He immediately set off for CRF Headquarters, where he handed the scroll to CRX himself. CRX, the last researcher left after the Band of Coin Bandits laid siege to the CRF lands. After about a minute he found a scroll written years ago that matched this one that was written years ago. CRX found a code written between the lines of the scroll Hodox brought and was able to decode the other scroll. He discovered that Zyx of House Zyvernix. Hodox, upon learning this information, set out to find him. Just as Hodox awoke Samarax, his yellow scaled pet dragon, to get ready for travel, CRX told him the location of the Zyvernix Domain. And with that, he dawned his Dragoon armor and set off atop Samarax in a southeasterly direction.

It was nice to fly high for once, for whenever Hodox and Samarax flew together, it was to oversee a CRF trade caravan and they had to stay low. Hodox entertained himself by slicing the clouds as they passed by. Eventually, Samarax got tired and landed on the ground. Hodox, being a fairly strong individual, picked up Samarax and carried him until night fell. Thereupon Hodox took the tent and camping supplies off of Samarax 's back and set up camp.

When he awoke the next morning, he saw shadows gyrating around the tent. He stealthily dawned his Dragoon gear and stepped outside. He looked up and saw seven people, all equipped with black, spiked armor from head to toe. They were riding vultures, 4 of them had crossbows, 2 had lances, and the apparent leader had a javelin as well as a battleaxe and shield. The vultures were laden with bone armor and each had a small pouch containing rotten meat, which was presumably a midflight snack. Just as Hodox finished processing this information, two volleys of arrows, tipped with a black mist, were launched at Hodox. He sliced four out of the air with his battleaxe and deflected 5 more with his shield. One made contact with his shoulder and pierced his armor. The black mist immediately engulfed him and he plunged into darkness.

Edited 1/23/2021 20:55:52

The world became dark, he was falling endlessly, and there was a biting cold surrounding him. Someone was watching him, he could feel it. Then, he suddenly felt a throbbing pain in the back of his head, he moved to soothe it with his hand, but then the muscles in his arm locked up and refused to move. Then there was a gale of blazing hot wind, and he was suddenly spinning and being pulled in several different directions. During this excruciating pain and agony, more and more throbbing pains appeared at random points. Then... just as Hodop was about to give up, he heard Samarax 's threatening growl, and remembered the fond memories he had with Samarax. He was then quickly brought back out of that horrible world.

The Vulture Dragoons looked surprised. Their leader, in a deep, hoarse, and... almost broken sounding voice said "Respect, none have ever survived the Mist of Malice... if you give us your coins now, we'll leave you without further harm, if you continue to fight, you will regret it." He then pulled out a hidden spear and stabbed it into his Vulture's head. The Vulture's body went limp, but the wings stayed flapping and he stayed afloat. Then he pulled out a second javelin and stuck them both into it's skull. He then severed it and threw the spear into the ground.

Suddenly, the Vultures blurred and vibrated, then, each Vulture split into 5 copies. But something was odd... they were just their bones, and they flapped in unison with each other. The leader then said

"The Choice is yours."

Hodox pondered for a moment. He had roughly 1,000 coins. His goal was to earn the Big M, make House Hodopix a clan, maybe The Hodoxian Dynasty as well... and to donate to other people... if he were to reset now, in the middle of the Great Coin Deprivation, he'd not be able to sustain himself, let alone gain any coins. It was settled, he'd fight them. He quickly mounted Samarax and said

"En guarde!"

Immediately the archers fired a round at the duo, and as soon as the arrows were halfway there, they vibrated, then duplicated 5 times, and then 5 more, and soon there were 124 arrows flying through the air. Hodox and Samarax each destroyed 20, and 100 were off course. However, the last 4 hit Samarax in the skull. Hodox saw Samarax shake, then collapse, writhing in pain, Hodox was launched into a nearby tree. Then the leader charged down, the 5 vulture copies diving with him, and went to slash at Samarax. Hodox yelled out to Samarax, and then there was a flash of yellow light.

Can we have a side story of why everyone’s name ends in x

Excerpt: From The Constitution of Fizzurian Legends and The Process of Declaring Fizzurian Independence

"Because of the tyranny of our previous masters, we hereby declare independence from the on-topic forums!

- Fizzurian President Hodox

"We would be happy to grant this, but laws and things take quite a while to draft... but if you were to somehow... oh, I don't know... involve the sacred letter X in every word you speak... it might be quicker.

- Xing Emperor Xanderaka Akarednax.

"You are such a {redacted}! Of COURSE we cannot! We've already involved it in every line of our legislature!

- Fizzurian Dictator Hodox

"Well, what if you were to change the last letter of every name from here on out...

- Xing Emperor Xanderaka Akarednax

"{redacted} you! (@Xing empire) *Sigh* I think that
may be doable, we held a vote and it was 901 to 900. I don't think many will be happy though.

- Fizzurian President Hodox

"Very well! In that case, consider your independence granted!

- Xing Emperor Xanderaka Akarednax

"Yeah, we held a re-vote, 1801 voted in favor of the new law."

- Fizzurian Absolute Dictator Hodox.

{Later that year Fizzurian Legends separated from the on-topic forum to create the best off-topic forum there ever was. The following law is what allowed it to happen.}

"Article XXVII: All names must end in an X, punishable by death and a wipe from all history and minds of any and all persons that knew their non-X name."

- Fizzurian Constitution,

Edited 1/25/2021 16:53:57

(I originally did it because it’s a running joke from Asterix and Obelix, a comic book and movie series, but Hodop’s version is way cooler :P)