I’ve been playing a few no preqs EU 3v3 games recently, and so got some first hand experience on playing with reluctant noobs, who didn’t know how the game worked and seemed oblivious to advice. Overtime, I learnt a few ways to get my not so good teammates to be more coorporative:

1) Use fancy and warlike words. Instead of asking your teammate to ‘pick Ireland instead of france’ try ‘I think you should start your empire in Ireland and expand from there, it will be extremely difficult to hold france for a long time’. Instead of describing the other team as ‘opponents’, try using the word ‘enemies’.

2) Always be optimistic. 9 out of 10 noobish teammates cant tell whether they are winning or losing the game. If you are losing, instead of saying something like ‘not looking well for us’ try, ‘the enemies have a start advantage, but we probably can turn it around easily.’ If it’s a deadlock, say you guys are winning. If you guys are winning, exaggerate it, say something like ‘wow we’re totally crushing them, we’v won this.’ Being pessimistic and cause your teammates to lose confidence and risk them ragequitting.

3) Never lose your temper. If your teammate appears to be ignoring you, see if you can persuade the other team members into making him see sense. If you are really desperate to call him a rude name, use private chat with your other teammates and rudely laugh behind his back. Publicly humiliating him in the public or team chat can cause that noobish teammate to ragequit or even turn against you. You can always call him names after the game is over.

That’s 3 pieces of advice I’v gathered. Has anyone got any other things to share? :)

Has anyone got any other things to share?

Use your army of alts / accounts you're 'sitting'.
Also, prereqs.

chinaman,
In the strategic 1V1 we played when you were still pulsey i think you should have begun your empire in west russia rather than north-west canada.
Even after the bad start, it would have been possible to turn the game around and defeat your enemy if you had attacked 3 or 4V2 while spreading rather than 6/7.
also, now the game is over i would like to inform you that you are a f*cking noob if it causes no inconvenience.
thanks for your time,
Me

wow thanks for talking a gamr that was what... half a year ago? You really are a rat and have no life to remember such an old game.