Then you would be Objectively Wrong, cake boss. Don't worry though buddy, the poem isn't too harsh on you, don't worry about it. Check this out though
ZANE LOWE
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/14177-it-was-u/
R-R-RADIO ONE, ZANE LOWE LOWE LOWE LOWE
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/11961-decisions/
ZANE LOWE IN NEW MUSIC WE TRUST [i dont know if they say that any more]
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/11845-sleep-paralysist/
i remember chillwave back when it was glo-fi [wait that doesn't sound like a zane lowe thing to say] ... bro [saved it]
[IRRITATING ADVERT FOR SOME YOUTH-ORIENTATED SHOW ON RADIO ONE AT LIKE 1030 ON A TUESDAY I DON'T KNOW WHO EVEN LISTENS AT THAT TIME (UNLESS THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE ON BUT THEN WHY HAVE AN ADVERT FOR IT?) AND APPROPRIATELY THE SHOW THEY'RE ADVERTISING SOUNDS DIRE]
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/11455-feel-it-all-around/
[APPALLING JOKE]
Z-Z-Z-Z-ZAAAAANE LOOOOWE
http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/15394-casino-lisboa/
I tried to emulate the form in which you normally listen to music so that you might be able to appreciate these more. Try reading this post out loud while you play the music.
I have been reading pitchfork for nearly four years.