hello, I think I am eating bread wrong. here is the recipe I'm following:

preparation time: 5 minutes
cooking time: 0 minutes
ingredients: bread

1) take bread
2) slice bread
3) eat bread

is the recipe wrong, or am I following it incorrectly? any feedback would be much appreciated, as I eat bread

Must be wrong. My recipe is:
prep time 30 seconds

1) open plastic bag
2) take bread
3) eat bread

Hmmm. I think it's a little bit like this.

preparation time: 65 minutes
cooking time: 0 minutes
ingredients: bread

1) Let bread sit on plate
2) Wait 30 min. for bread to aerate
3) Read "The Communist Manifesto" to the bread in a gentle voice which should take 35 min.
4) Eat bread

you forgot take bread, it took me some time to figure out that I was supposed to take it and put it on the plate before letting it sit

Did you also read The Communist Manifesto to it?

If you don't, your bread will become sweeter and fluffier

you forgot deep frying the bread in oil, covering it with a batter and deep frying it again. it's only healthy that way

Cut the bread length wise and fill its cavity with motor oil

5w30 sae

with winter coming wouldn't you go with 10w?

Maybe if you drive a sedan

Highest quality contribution to the community I've ever seen from Loxiiv, must admit I smiled

Well, mine is different even:

1- Buy bread, in bakery or supermarket or market, whichever fancies you most.
1a- make sure it's in a plastic foil.
2- Forget about it. For a week at least, preferably longer.
3- Find the bag during your next shopping round, still sitting in the shopping bag.
4- take home, open plastic foil.
5- take a deep breath, so the bread can eat you.

Maybe I'm over handling:

1: in a small bowl, dissolve the yeast

2: Slowly add flour and mix until all lumps of flour have dissolved to form a thick mixture. Allow it to rise about 15 to 20 minutes.​ If using a sourdough starter, make a sponge and allow it to rise for 2 hours.

3: Slowly add flour and mix until all lumps of flour have dissolved to form a thick mixture. Allow it to rise about 15 to 20 minutes.​

4: Preheat the oven to 450 F/220 C.​ Score the tops of the loaves in 3 or 4 places. Bake on the rack just below the middle of the oven for 30 to 35 minutes until browned.

5. Let sit for 10 minutes, slice, spread with whipped honey and enjoy.

I just realised that loxiiv may be talking about baguettes, his post makes perfect sense that way

Edited 10/2/2021 13:16:03

I think Lox (and many others) is forgetting to wash his bread in bleach before eating it.

Edited 10/2/2021 13:16:01

I wash the bleach with washing up liquid first to make it edible

take ham and cheese, cut and prepare accordingly. wash the toastie machine cos it hasn't been used in months. soften up some butter. open the bread to realise it's moldy and then throw away the bread and feed the ham and cheese to the cat.

I pretty much follow almost the same recipe: just with butter and toasting it

we posting

wrong, wrong, wrong

I always get another person prepare my bread.