hello sir, this is the fat-female-dogs-just-licked-me hotline, how can we help you today?

Do you do hotdogs without the fillings and replace the bread with toast and without mayo?

I’d also like a jam doughnut but only the insides of it.

One empty sausage casing on dry toast with raspberry jam on the side coming right up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8O3LbP_r9A

Do you need a hand with that?

In this economy? People can't afford to just give hands away.

if we all give eachother a hand for free, that would be pretty weird, but it might confuse the economy enough that it starts behaving again?

im still waiting for my drink

Do you want some frozen water?

Sorry, Jack. I got thirsty while I was making it.

SPECIAL: The Cafe will be handing out free pairs of eclipse viewing glasses for anyone who can get here in the next hour!

oh no, looks like i'm too late.... :(

Alas...

Probably a good thing. I made them out of coke bottles and some duct tape.

That sounds like a safety hazard, but you can fix anything with duct tape, so it must have been safe

Exactly.

For those few things that can't be fixed by duct tape there is WD-40

No ducks were harmed in the making of this tape

How about ducts? did any ducts get harmed?

I wouldn't be able to tell if there were. It's hard to take the word of a duct with all the hot air they blow around.

Do you do cats and dogs?