[WL] Colonel Harthacanute
Level 52
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The story so far (for those who can't be bothered to go back and read it all):
Now this is the story all about how my small Caitlyn Jenner penis got sliced off.
Suddenly an armed guy went into the room! It turned out that it wasn't a guy but a woman.
It was a reanimated Lady Di who was suddenly shot by a Schmeiser 9mm bullet from the gun of a guy with a mullet who was a Mexican immigrant, illegally entered in Europe and Genghis is his illegitimate child made with an Arabian virgin, one of those 99.
Meanwhile in america there was Donald Trump who was caught in his office looking at Corn porn.
So Rand Paul won the 2016 GOP Nomination and Trump went on his hundredth rant and ran as an independent.
But then, surprise! Trump turns out to be Putin trying to screw with the US.
But then the real Trump shows up. Putin and Trump have an epic Mortal Kombat-style fight, but Obama declares martial law and kills them both.
To celebrate he eats a turnip which is just a GARLIC in disguise.
Suddenly someone shouts "Allahu akbar!" and it was Donald Trump who's Golden Hair shone like a thousand suns so blinding that all Muslims were vaporized.
Then the building started to collapse, so they all got on a flying shoe and escaped. But suddenly Kim Jung-il appears from no where riding his unicorn and shoots him down but Kim Jong-il remembers he's supposed to be dead and flees.
America comes in, wins the day (you're welcome Europoors), spreads freedom (essentially killing every commie) annnnd...
Team America: World Police members are elected co-presidents, and the world is safe from Michael Bay...
Who is actually Donald Trump.
And everyone lives happily ever after, except then...
Nazi freedom fighters with French accents swoop in with hot dog launchers that are banned in Singapore because anything that looks like a wiener is illegal in Indonesia after their Anti Visual Wiener Legislation 1974 sub-clause 42 paragraph C subsection 5, which specifically states that anything resembling a long tube of meat is outlawed in public areas, unless of course a Wiener don't give a damn about the laws, especially if they are made in Indochina.
This description fits perfectly with Donald Trump who is renowned for being a massive dick because massive dicks are also banned in Singapore.
Meanwhile in the head of muddles a cat jumps onto a sofa and eats it and is king of North Korea.
But not for long as it's killed and mummified by neo-pagans that prey at Tilbardaga and live in Norwegian igloos until my mom got scared, and said "you're moving with your auntie and uncle in...
Suddenly the light goes out, and a giant laser eyed cactus remote-controlled by Donald Trump...
The end.
...but wait there's more!
No. The end.
Or so they thought...
Everyone died in the Nuclear explosion except the cockroaches, who evolved to worship their one true god whose name is Barrack Obama, who, in fact was.....
The end.
(We're ending it on a cliffhanger because we're assholes)
I'm good with that...
But I still feel that we need more action ...
Things blow up as Michael bay survived, and he goes on to blow up the houses of parliament and the tower of London and makes 'V is for Vendetta 2: Too Many Explosions' with more hot women blowing up shit and Indonesian monkeys with AK47s and incorrect grammar.
But for the sake of this whole story we want to dull you with grammar lessons.
Suddenly the light goes on again!
Hitler arrives with the cast of cool runnings on a toboggan; Stalin arrives with the Mr. Chow, PSY, and Jackie Chan; Mao Zedong enters with Ho Chi Minh spitting on Nixon's Grave.
A Mexican standoff is about to take place with cucumbers as weapons. The cucumbers have tiny sombreros and adorable ponchos.
Mao sends an endless horde of cucumbers at Stalin... Under his breath Stalin whispers "I have taught you well" and purges hundreds of his own top tier "Pickles" in anger. Hitler then sends out his elite underlings to search out and find cucumbers with any deformities or cucumbers he doesn't like who are then rounded up. Then captain america appears but is immediately shot down by a Nazi Crash bandicoot, who is wearing glowing rainbow stockings made entirely out of unicorn feces, but it's OK because unicorn feces smells like skittles. Taste like them too if you're brave enough, and jumps into a pit of lava wearing dungarees.
And so Stalin tasted the feces, and he was then transformed into M Night Shymalan. He screamed in horror at the transformation. He then promptly made a "Legend of Korra" movie until it turned into after earth and ate popcorn so Stanley Kubrick killed Shymalan and made '2020: An Apple Oddysey'.
The sun starts setting. The air begins to chill.
Hitler whispers: "He is here" when suddenly down from the heavens descends Michael Jackson with 19 children and a bottle of bleach.
Then it starts snowing cats (the madness will never end Lol) and the cats murder Cata with old rusty bayonets, specialy prepared by a crazy fat Kenyan dude with goggles made by Google.
In fact,Google has been secretly supplying the forces that cause chaos.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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